not knowing what the hell to do with myself. since the moment i walked into Art Center around 3:30 i felt depressed. i dont even know why. i don’t even know what i want anymore, it’s just all so scary. i wish i could be away from home and experience cool places with cool people. i can’t believe college is next year, we dream about going to it since middle school and now it’s right in front of my face. and it’s not going away and it’s freaking me the fuck out. i hate how we have to know what we want to do with our lives right now, i hate that if we don’t we get looked at funny and people go “what do you mean you don’t know?” “i just don’t fucking know yet.” i’m not even 18 yet, shit. leave me alone. i feel really vulnerable right now. i just want to cry. yeah, i think that will help. i actually think for the first time in my life i’m stressed out, and there really isn’t a reason to be. i mean, yeah, i don’t really have a reason to be stressed out. unless, of course i fail at college and my life fails. fail, fail, fail. i don’t want to be a failure. i just want to be happy. happy with where i am and what i’m doing. i don’t even know what i’m saying anymore, i mean this is a blog. and you write what you feel. i have a lot of feelings right now i just can’t express them that well. fuck i’m really scared. life is scary. the world is a scary place. okay i have to go work out. another thing, i’m really fucking drained. but i’m tired of looking at myself in the mirror. so somethings gotta change. blogging used to help clear my mind, but now it’s just weird because bitches i don’t even want to read my shit, are reading my shit.